Emotions

We are but a bunch of emotions

We are but a bunch of emotions
At times easy and transparent like the glass so clear
At times dark and grey like the monsoon clouds gather

 At times filled with so much love that it seems hard to even breath
At times filled with so much void that we question the existence of being

At times so happy and complete wishing that only if this moment would last forever
At times melancholy getting us and the strong will for longing making it seem so harder

At times so gay and hearty that the flutter heart almost has an affair with itself..
Its you that you have fallen in Love with ...just seems to be someone else

That someone else is an reflection of just what the fluttery heart always wished for
The emotion is so strong that its hard to comprehend
We keep looking for that someone, when its right within

The heart has already captivated what it loved, it doesn't know any rights and wrongs
Its the mind which keeps searching for the rationals outside

Love is just another emotion they say
who don't know its power, it is the bases of our lives, always invisible

you travel long and far, from nations to cities to camps
their's always a love story burning bright

We all are searching for only one emotion actually
The emotion of oneness with self .. and mostly its found in Love...

SIlverLight

I am working something new yet again .. yes dont you envy me.. well thats just being lucky :)
but i have to work on this new technology intorduced by microsoft its called the 'SILVERLIGHT' it sounds cool and is coool.. so i am all geared up for it.

Other than that what is keeping me busy in life is work .. weekends filled with birthdays or functions or get togethers.. there is so much more happening in life with work in tandum that i am actually exhausted .. i am craving for a vacation in which i dont have to do anything but sleep.. just go out with out any to do list and eat loads of fruits and juices ... just beautiful life..
i am soo dreaming of all that to happen to me. but i doubt that if it really does happen to me i am not sure for how long will i be able to enjoy it .. if you are a workoholic .. there are times when you are scraed of the fact that you wont be able to be like any another normal person the brain just doesnt stop thinking..
Let me tell you what happened just yesterday .. i was over at my moms place.. we had a family invited over for dinner.. and the favourite topic that pop up for the conversation was.. " Which serial do you watch " " do you like this show.. " and I was like. : i dont watch TV.. i dont follow any serials.. and almost everyone (including my parents ) gave me a surprised look.. as if i am coming from a place where peopledont know how to live life. Isnt that wierd .. i keep nagging my mom that how can you be watching so much of TV all the time and she keeps saying to me that how you just not watch any TV at all :)
Well i guess this is living in different worlds with different roles and phases of life.. but as of now i guess everyone seems to be pretty cozy and comfortable in there own sweet world.. of whatever they are doing.. :)
I guess enough of my blabbering into nothingness ... i dont even know if this blog made any sense at all.. I have something else on mind to pen down but i shall do that some other time.. ( read when i have more organised thoughts.. as of now only the subjects lingering in my mind) so keep checking out this space for some more read.. i promise it will be more organised ..but i guess random thoughts almost make life real at times : )

Python had engulfed me ..seriously

Just before you start wondering that in which wonderful land of swamp did i end up into .. and got to be face to face to a PYTHON so to say ... well not true but almost there..
I had to work on an assignment in python .. ( its a programming language which is used by the scientific world and google and lot many players in the market) and it actually engulfed me.. I mean just imagine you have to learn this new thing called python.. and then at the same time even deliver a good output to your customer and learn protein crystallography ( mind you this was absolute greek to me ..) in just a span of 2 months.. I had an absolute rollercoaster ride,
I use to be reading stupendous amount of things yes things .. coz anything that could explain python to me was my bet.. and then just finish a tiny winy part of my daily target ..
Not to mention the crazy late hrs, the excitment/ adventure of getting home at wierd hrs and then facing the stare on families face. I am sure V almost hated my work by then coz I dont even know the count when I asked him in the middle of the night to pick me up .. and then I was so charged up to talk about all that i learned and have done.. and everyone( read V here) was so tired and sleepy and just use to shut there ears, I guess to so much of greek at that hr of the night..poor things.. :) thanks for hanging in there for me

Hush its all almost over and I am through... not yet but almost by now i can claim to be a decent python programmer, I reinstilled the fact to myself that I am a fast .. way fast learning..that i thought (which kind of gives me a high ;) ) and after a super hectic and tiring day when you are learning something new different and actually getting close to your target , how you crave for a few more hrs in the day.. some more extra time without taking the guilt of ignoring home, family and the loved ones.. infact even yourself.. ( i had been sooo careless about myself.. that if i look back now. I cant even imagine how did I pull it all off ) Folks this is the beauty of WORK and what makes you enjoy life..
In past 2 (almost 3) months I have learned sooo much about python.. that it no more engulfs me but i have learned the art of making it dance for me now ;) ( if i can dare to say soo.. when there is a loong way to go to expertise it , consider this as a self assuring pat.) and so much more about protein crystallography .. which is an awesome line.. ( some how life science has always attracted me and using technology to read and understand it better was always my piece of cake ) that i feel content all the efforts are worth it..

I loved the embarass of the python and I am soo glad that this opportunity was give to me..( I hope I have done enough justice to it though ) you know how the alchemist says that when you want something badly the whole universe works towards it... i guess i needed something new different exciting, challenging to reassure myself that the fire is still on and I can do so much more. .. these little steps of success help you know that you are ... alive and fighting, doing something new different, beautiful ( i know how can programs be beautiful.. well its the whole target that you acheieve of it.. i guess) and satisfying....

Sorry for the delay and not blogging for soo long.. but then now you know why .. i have all plans of finsihing a white paper on this python task that we did, sooo .. lets see if I am lucky enough to do it and get it approved and published.. really found many new ways to deal with things which i wish to share with the world who would be keen in knowing.. the python grip so to say :)

Chao on this note.. hoping to give you all a link to the paper sooon.. ( read me being too ambitious ..for god sake I am sure there are people who have spent yrs in working with it...but i choice to beleieve that i still can pen down what different we did and how and hope that someone someday derives some knowledge of it ;) just like i did from thousands of white papers and books and articles on python and protein crystallization..so a big thank you to all of you who have contributed so much of knowledge, it got me through so kuddos to you all and a heartffelt sincere thank you :) )

Busy or lazy life ?

Busy or lazy life....

its been so long since i have actually written something that i had almost forgotten that i had a blog page ... :) ( strange hu)

Well so .. here it is, what was i doing all this while.. lets tag it being "Busy" than being "lazy" ( just being nice to myself)
I came back from my work assignment sometime around July 1st week and then i took a few weeks to seep back into the normal mode of work and life ....
Then there was August..( and I wonder what was I doing in August all of a sudden it seems to be so long ago :) )

I guess August just slipped into September and then following November.. i was just doing nothing that i can REALLLY pen down rather than work, home, cleaning, cooking, watching movies (once in awhile), trying to catch up on friends which is a failed effort and there is so much pending on that front :) ... so all in all there was nothing that i did.. but I definately wanted something nice and worthwhile to look back at ....one nice thing that I did do worth mentioning was visited numbai around the end of the year, relaxed, unwinded saw a few selective places that i wanted to .. and just enjoyed my 3-4 days of vacation ... and I am soo glad that I did it :)

O yes and one more.. ( see its all coming back to me) on my way to work in a rickshaw ..yes thats how i get to work these days and it does take care of a lot of driving stress off me.. unfortunately not the pollution.. coming back to the point.. on my way to work .. I just managed to finish a book called "The Tao of personal Leadership" it is a wonderful book, a definate must read for everyone who wants to know about how to make a good leader of yourself in all aspects of life...

Well I have all plans to design a better year and something that can keep me busy .. lets see how things shape up ..
I will try and be more regular.. if nothing i will atleast update which movies did i catch up on :)
(thats one thing i surely do .. )

If the void could be bridged

I have this void within me.. which i am not sure when will it be bridged..
for miles i walk in the journey of life.. and yet some long lost turn of life just seems to be coming back to me.. some places, people and moments are so comfortable in life.. that you just dont want to get away for them.

Time teaches you all .. walks you away from it and then habit teachs you to be as well but I guess the essence of what was so cozy, simple and natural .. if something are just easy, tailor made you dont have to pretend, its like finding the perfect match to your jigsaw puzzle.. (there are other ways to it but its never the way the perfect match is) then it just seems soo good to be true.

I dont know when will this quest finish or may be its just that life will keep engulfing me more and more into it that i may never get a moment to pause and reflect back, the turn may fade away and get blur and blur as i keep walking away from it .....those people, places and moments will get deep buried in the heep of new events in life .. with a tag of moving on ..

What comes to you instilled as future is definately good, the fact that it happened to you means that it was meant to be .. . but does this mean that what was our past can never be the comfort spot atleast in memories. Life was beautiful at some point in time and that part of it cant be replaced by anything else .. its like winning an oscar. then you keep making newer movies winning more oscars but then that oscar has its own place in your heart .. some things, some places and some people always have a special place and impact on your life.. its like they have scarred you for good.. some scars never go... they heal but they leave a beautiful memory in life .. " I happened to you "

We will go on ,, walk our walks in life.. met new people find new challenges and we all will strive to make it to the top as much as we can, giving our best shots on all fronts.. home, work, life in general ...but somethings never go..

they stay on and I guess you can derive so much of strength from it all, that it may amaze you ,,,, it amazes me as well... what you had can leave such a beautiful impact on your future and make it a wonderful ride as long as you know how to bridge that void......

the bridge is within you to create, the magic of the past can be the magic forever as long as you know how to direct that power of love, bliss, comfort .. walk in a desert but keep thinking of the rainbow down the green valley and then the desert seems like a beautiful green mountain range .. .. Derive... Dream.. Dont let it go all .. keep a part of your best past within you .. and it will come back to you 4 folds with more magical rides that ever ....

This is the bridge.. to be found.. hard but then... who said it was easy to live ! :-)

Back to where it all began

Folks life brings you back a full circle no matter how and when ..but thats for sure..
after almost 1.5 yrs i am back to Canada ( this time thr work :) ), a place from where a new me, a new dimension all began to my life..ya i guess staying away from home and family for a good 3 years ( to get my masters degree) teaches you a lot in life..

I mean seriously thats the first time in life you know what you can .. its like taking a 400 level know yourself class ..you end up finding your own ways of doing things ( not necesarily the best one s but anyways you have to get thr remember ;) ) fight your own battles and make sure you walk out as a winner as there are very few chances to loss.. manage your finances and treat yourself once in a while ..just as a pat letting you know that you werent all that bad :)

Ya those were some years.. but i love every bit of them coz i guess i wont have been what i am today had those 3 yrs not happened in my life.. i have gone thr the worst ( it seems like worst now.. it seemed hell then ;) but i know i could live thr that as well, gracefully and i guess thats what matters at the end .... those 3 yrs have given me a bagful of lessons, courage, confidence, good friends and I guess toughened me up for the next patch of life.. ( so to say ,, i know I am sounding old.. as if I lived 80 yrs ..so i guess i should stop this get back to the pt )

( reality check ,, atmost needed for an imaginative, in my own world kind of a person .did you notice i just slipped yet again... :) ) So i am back in toronto through work this time and that is making a few things preety easy .. i know the place, i am not on too tight on budgets and somehow coming here after 1.5 yrs makes me feel like come home.. i know thats so strange but it does..
I have a mixed bag .. i feel good and bad both ... i feel good to come back to my life almost very similar to student life.. i am living with 2 of my work collegues and its fun just like masters days.. and the freedom and independence feels beautiful..
its like i can do so much all of sudden again . and yes the perfect summer weather does addd to the glory of feeling free as a bird...

I guess I was just too tided up with my life in India ( home work traffic family functions hectic schedules) and just when i needed i got this chance of getting away for a while.. i am almost treating it like an extended vacation. now a 600 level know yourself class :) hhahha ( you have to act mature even if you arent .. it works ;) ) and it has given me some time to pause and know what i am doing with life.. where do i want it to do .. catch up on my reading which was left light years away ( just to prove that , i have finished the da vinci code... after good 7-8 months of which for the first 4-5 months it was just sitting in my bedroom with the hope that some day i dare do the justice to that magnificent piece of mystery ..and i use to almost feel guilty when friends use to let me know that they finished the book in like days.. thankgod my score is atleast in months .. come on, i could have done worst right .. like never ever read it ;) thats being optimistic .....

life is unfair .. you dont get to do all that you love to do all the time, the sooner you accept it the happier you are ;) but thst doesnt stop you from craving what you would really really want to do

i do miss home and family back there.. but somehow as i know i am going to be back in like just 2-3 months doesnt make me feel so low emotionally. I miss India.. the essess of it . i mean .. the chaat, colors, people, warmth of family and home.. but i have been in north america for 3 long yrs alone so i have found a connection with this place as well.. I have had a few really great friends like family now.. and I had a home here :) it was home for those 3 yrs

I guess I dont know if its fair to say I have a special place for both the countries in my heart ,, one place where i have spent my entire childhood and growing up yrs which continues to be my home till date... and another place which has helped me BE and formed so many aspects of me, it has given me so much in so many senses that I could never forget where it all began .. a place called Canada ......

Bday update :)

Hi all..

Heres my bday update.. well i am late but not too late technically as i post it. .I am still in MARCH :)

So here it is right from the source.. Day started with phone calls from family.. mama, mami , cousins and friends.. and then AAI called :) making it just a perfect beginning...

It was a friday so had to go to work .. at work all my friends at work had decorated my desk with flowers chocolates and a dear friend even had a lovely gift for me.. which is currently occupying my office desk and add a bit of color and life to the brown cream cubicle of mine ;) Thanks dear ...
Then all the other friends wished me greeted me.. I got one more gift from other friends just making the day better and special.. ( in the mean while i guess my phone never stopped ringing. .and infact the wishes rolled over to the next day as some friends and fly couldnt get the free at all.. )
Towards the evening V had all my cousins come over home.. and he took all of us out for dinner :) a wonderful surprise absolutely loved it :) Thanks V ... ;)
I guess I am glad that God made Birthdays.. the best part it on that day you get to know that there are so many people in this world who care , who love and really want to make you feel special and let you know it :)

This one is for all of them who are a part of my life and contributing in making it a great one.. I love you all just as much and each one of you is dear to me.. and have a shade of yours in me due to your friendship, love , fun , jokes, sad days comfort, just listening to everything when things go wrong and all you want is to be hear.. Love you all.. LIFE ROCKS THANKS TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY ............... :)